Shuelofa

When everyone being sad, overwhelmed and emotional, I feel numb. Not sad nor happy. I hate myself. Full of hatred. I still remember when I was forced to continue, on that moment itself, I set myself that I will never put any passion on what I do. What I know, as long as “Lulus, teruskan pengajian”. That’s all. When everyone was sad, frustrated between B- and B+, A- and A+, I don’t give a F about it even I don’t understand the difference of it because  I know at the end of the day I will be a teacher. Every year when we went back for new sem/year... I will count how many sem/year left, that I kept telling myself. Be strong, sikit je lagi. But actually kan I was different when I was in high school & matric. I put my passion, love and effort in my academic. I was high achiever. It is so sad to think about it because I change 180 degree now. Maybe because I don’t have ‘support’. Plus the betrayal :”) It’s like you throw salt in the wound. I tried to Redha but I cannot l...

Okay aku nak simpan sini citer2 Bollywood. Bukan senang nak jumpa. Nak korek. Kalau nak throwback senang. Name: Mujhse Dosti Karoge Link:  https://drive.google.com/file/d/15aZhtrj0XXOgl1-X3zqG6wi0_Gh6vPIm/view Name: Dil Hai Tumhara Link:  https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B6OzmZoZk5Elc1ExQVdxYktBNmc/view Name: Veer Zaara Link:  https://drive.google.com/file/d/1g0k3BI0753DHFZGEx8wpIORG7kT6OSUI/view Name: Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi Link:  https://drive.google.com/file/d/15cS9FceK2N9Xf8ozyvocdchGuLoQwlyi/view Name: Om Shanti Om Link:  https://drive.google.com/file/d/1GieWIDkQoaEB2N_6oovDhEtYMyjlC_ZU/view Name: Devdas Link:  https://drive.google.com/file/d/1bCU4T0GpIoer9zI9PF_t6ruAHTkNzxaG/view Name: Kabhi Kushi Kabhie Gham Link:  https://drive.google.com/file/d/1zRAKxnbN_gJiBU5uQ5aXV2sYxufEkk6S/view Nem: Kuch Kuch Hota Hai Link:  https://drive.google.com/file/d/1oLk...

Twitter. Even Twitter pun sekarang tak best 😩. Byg kan aku mmg dah nak give up dgn Ig & Fb but turns out Twitter pun sama 😫. Dulu tweet ka like ka apa pun org tak kisah. Sekarang ada je yg menyibuk. Kau tak suka kau boleh block or mute. Everyone ada opinion masing2. Tak perlu nak degrading, demotivating orang. For me kau nak berbahas buat cara sihat. Respect opinion berbeza. Bahas pun bahas la. Walaupun aku selalu nampak kurang ajar bila utarakan opinion aku but I never force people to follow what I believe. Opinion aku opinion aku, kau opinion lain lantak kau la. For me setiap org mempunyai experience yg berbza, upbringing berbeza. Kau tak boleh samakan cara  kau berfikir “Eh kenapa dia tak boleh fikir mcm aku fikir?” Pleaseee... jgn rasa kau je betul. Kau je tahu sume bende. Judge org. PLEASE! Aku paling annoying org yg tak respect org, matang, childish... eee menyampah la. That’s why aku malas dah nak buka Twitter. Asyik benda sama, bash mem bash org. Hah tu je lah k...

This straight 4 days mmg fully binge watch bollywood movie especially yg ada shah rukh khan la sebab film under dia mmg semua best!! Best juga sebab bollywood ni tau la citer panjang namatey so of course masa terisi, takde masa nak scroll social media. Pastu sedih pun jgn ckp lah 😭😭😭 Tengah emosi koyak bertambah2 koyak tengok cerita2 dorang. Tambah pula, semua ceritanya tak sah kalau takde cinta cintun pastu tengok kawan2 baya pula semua dah kahwin one by one. Ada baby. I’m like... hmm mcm nak juga kahwin. Hahaha. Tapi bila fikir balik, aku ni nak kahwin sebab nak pakai baju kahwin, tangkap gmbr, ada baby juga je ke? Kalau mcm tu baik tak payahlah... Tapi bila fikir balik, kesian juga parents aku kan. Tak merasa ada menantu or cucu ke sbb aku maybe takde chance nak kahwin, mira pula special, Aziz? Mcm lama lagi. Baby? dia lg lah... aku harap sgt dia jadi atlet negara jelah. Tapi mcm mana gak, i’m not from loving family. My surrounding, my enviroment bukan dibiasakan dgn kasi...

Betul lah bila org kata cantik tu subjektif. Seharian ni aku dok binge watching cerita hindustan. Bila mata ni dah selalu nampak wanita India, rasa macam perghh punya lah cantik. Cantik sangat-sangat. And first time rasa happy pula ada sendiri features mcm dorang. Bila tengok instafamous, perempuan2 melayu yg cantik rasa mcm ermmm kureng sikit. Actually it depends on your eyes. Kalau kau dah biasa tengok awek melayu yg stereotyped cantik, maka itu lah cantik bagi kau. Bagi org lain, lain pula. It just opened my eyes. Tapi utk aku sekarang. Tbh, aku mmg tak cantik buat masa sekarang sebab aku tak invest apa2 lagi kat diri aku. No effort. Aku takde duit. Dah keje nanti, ada life sendiri, aku nak gi facial, gi gym, makan makanan sihat ot maybe vegan tapi bukan yg hardcore. In shaa Allah bila aku dah ada effort utk diri aku sendiri barulah aku confident nak ckp aku boleh la sedap mata memandang. Takde la buruk sgt. Bila aku dah boleh terima diri aku sendiri, aku syg diri aku baru...