Last exam feeling
When everyone being sad, overwhelmed and emotional, I feel numb. Not sad nor happy.
I hate myself. Full of hatred. I still remember when I was forced to continue, on that moment itself, I set myself that I will never put any passion on what I do. What I know, as long as “Lulus, teruskan pengajian”. That’s all.
When everyone was sad, frustrated between B- and B+, A- and A+, I don’t give a F about it even I don’t understand the difference of it because I know at the end of the day I will be a teacher.
Every year when we went back for new sem/year... I will count how many sem/year left, that I kept telling myself. Be strong, sikit je lagi.
But actually kan I was different when I was in high school & matric. I put my passion, love and effort in my academic. I was high achiever. It is so sad to think about it because I change 180 degree now.
Maybe because I don’t have ‘support’. Plus the betrayal :”) It’s like you throw salt in the wound.
I tried to Redha but I cannot lie to myself. I keep going for the sake of other people. Never say “Kau ni tak bersyukur”. You are very lucky not to feel what I faced. I swear this will be the last decision from my parents because after this, I want to do whatever I want in my life. Of course I know which is good or bad.
But not everything was terrible, of course there were sweet memories. I really appreciate it but I don’t know why the hatred much stronger. That’s why I hate myself. I’m sorry.
Btw happy graduation dearself & others!
I hate myself. Full of hatred. I still remember when I was forced to continue, on that moment itself, I set myself that I will never put any passion on what I do. What I know, as long as “Lulus, teruskan pengajian”. That’s all.
When everyone was sad, frustrated between B- and B+, A- and A+, I don’t give a F about it even I don’t understand the difference of it because I know at the end of the day I will be a teacher.
Every year when we went back for new sem/year... I will count how many sem/year left, that I kept telling myself. Be strong, sikit je lagi.
But actually kan I was different when I was in high school & matric. I put my passion, love and effort in my academic. I was high achiever. It is so sad to think about it because I change 180 degree now.
Maybe because I don’t have ‘support’. Plus the betrayal :”) It’s like you throw salt in the wound.
I tried to Redha but I cannot lie to myself. I keep going for the sake of other people. Never say “Kau ni tak bersyukur”. You are very lucky not to feel what I faced. I swear this will be the last decision from my parents because after this, I want to do whatever I want in my life. Of course I know which is good or bad.
But not everything was terrible, of course there were sweet memories. I really appreciate it but I don’t know why the hatred much stronger. That’s why I hate myself. I’m sorry.
Btw happy graduation dearself & others!
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