Reason why I never in relationship

 Sebab banyak sangat masa free ni so i'm gonna share whatever i tengah fikir sekarang...

Sejak pindah Tawau ni, I banyak spend time with my cousin and makcik and we have this kind of deep conversation. One of it was about me. Yelah adalah tercerita macam mana aku kat rumah time pkp. Terluah sikit huhu... 

They said 

    "Ya shue... dari kecik kau memang macam nda disayang sangat sama mamak bapak mu banding adik- adik mu yang lain..."

    "Tu lah aku ingat betul tu nenek mu arwah mamak bilang ehh kesian cucu ku satu ni kesian, kamu jaga dia bagus-bagus kesian. Nda dia disayang betul oleh bapaknya..." 

Aku faham gak kenapa bapa aku macam tu sebab bapa fokus dengan Mira. Yelah Mira kan jadi OKU sebabkan accident. Bapa rasa sangat bersalah, dia rasa sebab dialah Mira jadi macam tu jadi dia sayang sangat-sangat Mira.

    "Bukan apa Shuada, nenek mu tu memang jaga kau dari kecik, dari kau baby... dia nampak semua tu. Dia nampak macam mana kau dilayan kesian. Tulah dia pesan sama kami, sayang kau jaga kau bagus-bagus." 

    "Nda ku sangka jugaklah masih kau dilayan begitu walaupun kau sudah besar. Itulah arwak nenekmu paling risau tu."

and bla bla bla we talked more deep...


Somehow, it made reflect. Aku selalu persoalkan kenapa aku susah sangat nak ada relationship macam orang lain yelah macam kawan-kawan aku. Like at this age guyssss of course siapa je tak question like what's wrong with us hahahaha... 

Kenapa takde orang confess, kenapa orang reject, kenapa orang seem avoid me, think that i'm not friendly... or maybe of course aku akan cakap oh maybe rupa aku kut buat orang tak berminat hahaha tapi bila aku cakap macam tu, semua orang menafikan, kata rupa aku okay je, manis, cantik... tapi aku tetap hati aku tetap kuat mengatakan "KORANGGG, STOP SEDAPKAN JAGA HATI AKU!" hahahaha I know, I'm aware about myself.

Ok enough about this.

So bila aku dengar cerita cousins, aunties aku ni... aku rasa Allah makbulkan doa nenek aku. 

Nenek aku taknak aku rasa sedih,kecewa disebabkan orang lain. Cukuplah mak ayah aku layan aku macam tu. Who knows, mungkin nenek aku minta Allah jagakan aku. Jaga sampai datang seseorang yang betul-betul sayang aku macam mana nenek aku sayang aku. 

   p/s: (lol why i'm crying hahaha sambil dengar lagu if it's you - Rose)

Yang akan bahagiakan aku, yang jaga aku, yang fahami aku so that I won't feel any heart break again. I won't be hurt again. And he will stand up for me. 

Ohh nenek... I miss you :"(

Tapi memang betul makcik2 aku memang sangat sayangkan aku. I don't know lah if this's the reason why they did that... because my nenek's wish. 

Sebab tulah Shue janganlah kau tertanya lagi, persoalkan lagi. :"(

But whatever it is I still love my parents okay. 💓

 




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